OTTAWA – A new study by Health Canada and several associated medical boards has found that pre-Christmas dreams of sugarplums dancing in someone’s head may be a warning sign they’ve consum...
Aunt Ruth regifts you COVID infection you gave her last year
CALGARY – Reports indicate that Aunt Ruth has decided to get into the festive spirit this Christmas by regifting you the COVID infection you gave her last year. “Normally, I’m not a fan of regifting. ...
Thousands of young Canadians travel home to visit standard of living they’ll never afford
OTTAWA – With Christmas only days away, thousands of young Canadians prepare to journey home and visit a quality of living that they will never possibly hope to afford. Across the entire nation ...
Grinch reverts to old ways as price of roast beast skyrockets under inflation
WHOVILLE, AB ― Reports from Whoville, a remote town outside Banff, indicate that its most famous resident has returned to his old domicile on a cold mountaintop on the outskirts of town. After several...
Mariah Carey admits she also wants a Dyson Airwrap hairdryer for Christmas
LOS ANGELES – The queen of Christmas Mariah Carey has admitted after nearly 30 years of her chart-topping single “All I Want for Christmas Is You,” she finally needs more than just you. “It’s s...
Child abuse? This baby is wearing jeans
VANCOUVER – In a show of parental misconduct that would horrify even the most child-avoidant of people, a baby was spotted in a local cafe wearing jeans. The baby in question, Gerald Culver, see...
Parliament’s Elf On The Shelf turns out to be Pierre Poilievre in a little scarf
OTTAWA – Shockwaves spread throughout the House this week when staffers realized that the vaguely threatening elf watching their every move was actually the leader of the Opposition in a festive...
Why I refuse to say “Happy Holidays”: I’m sad
TORONTO — It’s that time of year again; The lights are shining, the snow is falling, and “woke moralists” are forcing me to say “Happy Holidays”. But this year I’m taking a stand. I won’t say it! Beca...
Most popular Christmas special in each province
There’s nothing more Canadian than avoiding the increasingly wet winter weather by hiding inside and watching your favourite Christmas special. Check out this list of the most popular hol...
“Circle back after the holidays” workload building up
TORONTO – In the corporate world, employees are finding that their “circle back after the holidays” workload is building up to critical levels. Jason Raynor works as a project manager for an und...
