Hollywood Producers Association study proves Asians actually just an urban legend
CALIFORNIA – A recent study sponsored by the Hollywood Producers Association has confirmed the industry’s long suspected belief that so-called “Asian” human beings are nothing but an old w…
Local father regales family with stories of battles fought against telecommunications providers
KINGSTON — Late last night, local father Paul Mallory gathered his family by the fire to recount many illustrious battles fought against major telecommunications providers. Speaking to his …
9 majestic Canadian Parks ruined by lack of wifi
As beautiful and inspiring as these Canadian destinations are, they still don’t have access to wifi, which ruins the entire experience. G’waii Haanas National Park flickr.com / Sam Beebe Located …
Trudeau says he is ‘proud to be a feminist arms dealer’
OTTAWA – Earlier today, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau reaffirmed his support for feminism, and for making billions of dollars in the sales of military supplies to despotic regimes, in an ho…
Local survivor gnaws off own arm to escape street canvasser
TORONTO – In a harrowing tale of survival, local hiker Todd Barnett has managed to escape a street canvasser by removing his left arm with nothing but his own front teeth. “I’m an experienc…
Attawapiskat First Nation receives urgent airdrop of committee reports
ATTAWAPISKAT – Following the declaration of a state of emergency over recent suicide attempts in the remote First Nation settlement, the Canadian government has wasted no time airlifting in…
Melting snow reveals dozens of discarded MPs on Parliament lawn
OTTAWA – Spring has finally arrived in the nation’s capital, revealing a winter’s worth of discarded legislators strewn across the Parliamentary lawn that were, until recently, concealed under la…
Pope Francis admits he meant to invite Larry David, not Bernie Sanders, to Vatican
VATICAN CITY – In a stunning admission Friday afternoon, Pope Francis confessed that he mistakenly invited Democratic Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders, instead of American comedian Larry Dav…
Cheryl from the office prints out all her emails, 11.5 million documents of Panama Papers
OTTAWA — Upon hearing about the Panama Papers scandal, Cheryl from the office loaded all 11.5 million leaked documents up on her computer, but became frustrated when the formatting got “won…
Local dad starts work on emergency backup porch
KINGSTON – Local dad Henry Spurlock has begun construction on an auxiliary porch to be deployed in case of a major failure in the current primary porch. “So far the primary porch has operat…
