Temporary foreign robots to replace domestic robots that replaced human workers
OTTAWA — Several Canadian manufacturing companies announced that the domestic robots that replaced thousands of Canadian workers will be replaced by temporary foreign robots. Canada’s new a…
Man born with giant paper-maché head ready for another Halloween
SURREY, BC — After a year of self-imposed exile, Daniel Gauthier, a man with a strange and rare genetic condition, plans to emerge from his home. Every October 31st, Gauthier, who was born …
Ghostbusters respond to abandoned Ottawa mansion haunted by previous prime ministers
OTTAWA — The National Capital Commission has called in professional paranormal exterminators to deal with several poltergeists haunting the now-derelict official residence of the Prime Mini…
Anthopolous rejects Rogers contract after realizing it only comes with 150 long distance minutes
TORONTO – The Blue Jays have announced the departure of General Manager Alex Anthopolous due to a contract dispute in which Rogers was only able to promise him 150 long distance minutes. “A…
Bombardier develops new jet capable of breaking government bailout barrier
MIRABEL — In an effort the revolutionize the Canadian aerospace industry, Bombardier Inc. has been tirelessly working to break the taxpayer investment barrier with a newer version of the CS…
Confused ventriloquist can’t find favourite dummy or carving knife
DEER CREVICE, ON – Despite searching nearly everywhere, professional ventriloquist Alfred “The Amazing” de Lancy cannot find his best dummy, “Buster”, or the gleaming 8-inch kitchen knife t…
Canada Post hires former FLQ members to blow up community mailboxes
MONTREAL — In what will be a tremendous task of removing thousands of community mailboxes, Canada Post has hired former members of Quebec’s defunct separatist paramilitary group to destroy …
Full-grown snake only 4th most terrifying thing in bar bathroom
DEER CREVICE, ON – A group of university students reportedly received their 4th biggest shock of the night after discovering a full-grown snake inside the washroom of local dive bar, “Arty’…
Ghost of Samuel de Champlain stuck in rush hour traffic on Champlain bridge
MONTREAL — After establishing a spectral fur-trading post on the island of Montreal, Monday, the ghost of Samuel de Champlain was caught in evening rush hour traffic as he headed south on h…