Bro scientists confirm world ‘pretty gay’
WOODBRIDGE, ON – Highlighting humanity’s continued effect on the global environment, the World Institute for Bro Sciences has confirmed the long disputed theory that the world is, in fact, …
Yukon bar lists twelve beers on menu that are unavailable
WHITEHORSE – A local Yukon restaurant is featuring a dozen beers on its menu that are not available to anyone who visits their establishment. Menus at the True North Tavern list a variety o…
Loser kids trying to cash in on Netflix’s Stranger Things
Meaford, ON – A group of four hopeless geeks have begun to be more outspoken and confident, a behaviour their parents and classmates attribute to the release of the Netflix program Stranger…
Shirtless Stephen Harper photobombs Calgary couple’s wedding, 5 dead
CALGARY – Tragedy struck a Calgary wedding yesterday evening when five people were killed and a dozen injured after former prime minister Stephen Harper decided to make a candid, topless ap…
REPORT: Robots still decades away from perfectly mimicking human cruelty
WALTHAM, MA – Researchers at Boston Dynamics say science is still decades away from producing robots that can approximate the cruelty and malice of their human creators. “Even with the prev…
Rio Olympics opening ceremony includes memorial to all athletes expected to die during Rio Olympics
RIO DE JANEIRO – In a somber moment during the opening ceremonies for the Rio de Janeiro Olympic Games, a memorial video played in tribute to all the athletes expected to die in the coming weeks.…
Glowing swamp monster emerges as medal favourite in Olympic aquatics
RIO DE JANEIRO – A swamp-being of untold horror that recently emerged from the depths of Rio’s polluted waterways has become an immediate medal favourite in all aquatic events at the Summer…
Reconciliation: Trudeau shares 30 seconds of intense eye contact with every First Nations person
OTTAWA – After nearly 150 years of colonialism and cultural genocide, Canada is mending fences by granting every First Nations person in the country 30 seconds of intimate eye-contact with …
Trump accuses Clinton of being angry orange-skinned man with bad combover
HARRISBURG, PA – At a campaign rally this week Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump fired off against rival Hillary Clinton, accusing her of being, among other things, ‘a stub…
Justin Trudeau waits in dark cave for attractive enough family to walk past
GATINEAU, QC – In an attempt to further endear himself to the nation, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is waiting in a dark cave for a family he deems beautiful enough to deserve to take a pho…
