LEGO recalls police sets after discovering pieces break down under slightest pressure
DENMARK – The LEGO corporation issued an announcement yesterday that it will be recalling all police-related toy sets after thousands of angry customers reported that the pieces broke down danger…
OPINION: It is nobody’s business what Lindsey Graham does in the privacy of his own voting record
As salacious rumours have begun swirling online about a certain republican senator with the initials “LG”, I want to remind everybody that it is absolutely nobody’s business wha…
Jeff Bezos on track to become first man to steal a trillion dollars from his employees
MEDINA, WA – A new report suggests that Amazon founder Jeff Bezos could become the first man on earth to successfully steal a trillion dollars from his employees. “Tim Cook, Elon Musk, the …
Justin Trudeau still pausing
OTTAWA – This past Tuesday, Justin Trudeau took a 21 second pause before commenting on Donald Trump’s use of military action against protestors. Three days after the briefing, sources repor…
Jet Ski ends its relationship with Stockwell Day
OTTAWA – Personal watercraft manufacturer Jet Ski has ended its relationship with Stockwell Day after the spokesman denied there was systemic racism in Canada. “Our relationship with Mr. Da…
Heartwarming! Major newspaper chain continues to publish deranged rants of ignorant old man
In these uncertain times, it can be useful to focus on small acts of human kindness, to remember our shared humanity through the generosity with which we treat each other. In that spirit, let’s a…
Summer camp closure leaves masked killer with too much free time
VANCOUVER, BC – With the cancellation of summer camp programs across the country, escaped murderer Billy Webber is finding himself unsure of how we will spend the season without a fresh bat…
Medical Workers hoping to receive PPE hand-me-downs from riot police
NEW YORK CITY – In the wake of Black Lives Matter protestors being confronted by heavily armed and even heavier PPE-d riot police, dangerously under-funded medical workers fighting COVID-19…
Woman that has been silent all week about BLM perpetuates silence with Blackout Tuesday post
TORONTO – In an attempt to show her solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement, Krista Hamilton posted a black square to her Instagram despite having remained silent all week. “I reall…
Feminism Win! This female cop also sucks ass
In what many are heralding as a diversity win, police officer Danica Greer is defying traditional gender roles by proving that female cops can be just as big pieces of shit as their male cohorts.…
