Brisbane announced as next city to be blighted with unholy curse of the Olympics
BRISBANE – Announced for the year 2032, Brisbane, Australia has been selected to become the next unfortunate city to be blighted with the unholy curse that is hosting the Olympic Games. Des…
Five tips for growing tulips powerful enough to destroy Dutch economy
It seems with the tough year we’ve all been having, everyone’s been getting the green thumb. Plants and flowers galore! So we’ve compiled the five most crucial tips for growing tulips! In fact, w…
Cutting edge Facebook app lets you attend VR-meetings that should’ve been e-mails
MENLO PARK, CA – Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has announced the release of Horizon Workrooms, an ultra-high-tech solution to the age-old problem of your boss needing to find new and expensi…
Ontarian prince promises a wealth of governance in exchange for small up-front fee
QUEEN’S PARK – Citizens of Ontario were surprised to find an unknown letter tucked amongst their usual mail promising them the untold riches of capable governance. The letter was sent by th…
Local man ashamed by number of chopsticks included with delivery he plans to eat by himself
MONTREAL – Paul McGinley, a 29-year-old bachelor, has reported feeling an overwhelming wave of personal shame after seeing how many sets of chopsticks were included in the delivery he just recei…
Poll finds 87% of Heaven’s residents get tired of eternal bliss within the first thousand years
HEAVEN ― A recent survey of over 10 million residents of Christian Heaven has revealed that a large majority become “somewhat” or “very” unhappy during their first millennium. “Once you’ve finish…
True-Crime Podcaster is a little too excited that friend is missing
Hamilton, Ontario – Friends and family are asking for any information about the disappearance of Thomas McQuade, no one more so than acquaintance and true crime podcaster, Leigh Hallwood. “…
Highlights of the Conservatives’ election platform
The Conservative Party of Canada released their 162 page 2021 election platform yesterday. Unfortunately few people have been able to stop laughing at the cover long enough to read it. But have n…
Singh blasts Trudeau for copying BC NDP’s idea of calling a snap election in the middle of a pandemic
TORONTO – NDP Leader Jagmeet Singh has criticized Prime Minister Justin Trudeau for stealing his party’s idea to call a snap election in the middle of a global pandemic. “This needless powe…
Ford and Lecce present their back to school safety plan, “Pick the sick kids last during Phys-ed”
QUEENS PARK – After delaying for as long as possible, Doug Ford and Stephen Lecce have finally revealed their back to school safety plan, which is for kids to pick the sicker kids last duri…
