CAPE CANAVERAL — After decades of so-called scrutinizing the cosmos, scientists have finally managed to notice a supermassive black hole staring them right in the face. “This one’s on us,” …
World
Panama law firm pretty pleased they were able to hide the human-hunting stuff
PANAMA CITY – Representatives of Mossack Fonseca, the law firm at the center of the Panama Papers leak, have spent the days since the leak visibly relieved that none of the human-hunting st…
Icelandic PM forced to resign following uproar of dozens
REYKJAVIK – Icelandic Prime Minister Sigmundur Davíð Gunnlaugsson resigned this week following disclosure that he had, at one time, secretly held millions of dollars’ worth of Icelandic bank bond…
North Korea continues to wage bitter war against the sea
SEOUL – South Korea’s Joint Chiefs of Staff have confirmed that North Korea launched a series of short range projectiles into the Sea of Japan on Monday morning, the latest salvo in North Korea’s…
ISIS fighters defect to join small midwestern town
AL-RAQQAH, SYRIA – Sources inside the Islamic State expressed shock today as several fighters boarded aircraft for Missouri with the intention of dwelling peacefully in the quiet suburb of …
Trudeau leaves note on pillow for Barack, slips out door
WASHINGTON D.C. – As the President of the United States showered, a reluctant Justin Trudeau left a note on the pillow explaining why he had to leave, then quickly exited the Lincoln bedroo…
Obama and Trudeau reach historic salt passing agreement
WASHINGTON, DC – Sources indicate that US President Barack Obama and Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau have already reached a landmark treatise regarding the passing of the salt shaker…
Men celebrate International Women’s Day with #AllDaysMatter campaign
TORONTO – MRAs, Gamergate trolls and white men everywhere took to the internet this morning in an orchestrated attempt to “helpfully respond to” International Women’s Day by pointing out th…
Small-dicked Neo-Nazis proud they now much closer to resembling Hitler
REGINA – Neo-Nazis worldwide are rejoicing this week amid the revelation that Adolf Hitler, former genocidal Chancellor of Germany from 1933-1945, had a micro-penis. The celebrations come as a re…
