TORONTO – Running for re-election Mayor John Tory has promised voters that, with just one more term, he can complete his mission to make Toronto just as terrible to live in as it is crippli…
Toronto
Friend group excited to spend all of Nuit Blanche trying to find each other
TORONTO – With Nuit Blanche expected to return for the first time since the pandemic, a local group of buddies is excited to spend the whole event unsuccessfully trying to meet up. “It’s go…
This Brad J. Lamb condo development sign is running for Mayor of Toronto
TORONTO – In the lead up to the October 22 municipal election, it looks like incumbent Mayor John Tory will have a new opponent to face: this Brad J. Lamb Condo Development Notice Sign. The…
Toronto man has visited friend who moved to London, UK more often than he has friend who moved to London, ON
TORONTO – Local man Matt Faskins has visited his friend in London, England more often than he has his friend in London, ON since each moved away 6 years ago. “Back in University me, S…
‘Never Have I Ever’ Toronto ad features couple who have never been renovicted
TORONTO – The team behind the ubiquitous ‘Never Have I Ever’ spots showcasing Toronto residents who have never participated in well-known Toronto experiences like going to the R…
Toronto police spend $1m on flip flops for officers to patrol beaches
TORONTO, ON — Toronto Police Service are spending $1 million on flip flops as officers have patrol the beaches for this year’s Summer season. “It’s a matter of having our officers adequately equi…
Doug Ford grants powers to new Strong Mayors, Fast Mayors, Heat-Vision Mayors
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has emerged from his secret underground laboratory to announce his successful creation of a new breed of mayor with the strength, speed, agility and superhuman…
Five ways to guilt friends into seeing your terrible Fringe Play
It’s Fringe season, y’all. You’ve spent months — or at least hours — writing and rehearsing your masterpiece. A dance interpretation of the House Hippo PSA told from…
Toronto police ask for budget increase to more equitably beat up residents
TORONTO – Following newly revealed statistics proving that Toronto Police Services uses force against BIPOC residents far more often than it does white ones, Chief James Ramer has asked the…
Pearson International security lines backed up to Billy Bishop Airport
TORONTO – Officials at Pearson International Airport confirm that extensive delays have resulted in a 26.7-kilometres-long lineup for security, stretching all the way into the lobby of the …
