Editorial by President Donald Trump This is an open letter to my wife, Melania Trump. You’ve left me with no other option, since I don’t know where you are in the house and I think you have me mu…
Opinion
Marrying your cousin was quite common back then vs For the last time, Harold, I’m not interested – we’re cousins
Point: Marrying your cousin was quite common back then By: Harold Taber While may be taboo nowadays to be in an intimate relationship with your cousin, I can tell you that it was very common back…
When will there be a men’s earth day?
By: Karl Smith For the last of 47 years people all over the world have celebrated Earth Day to draw attention to environmental protection and for 47 years I have wondered when will there be a Men…
I made soup in my crockpot, and you’re damn well going to hear about it
By: Ethan Dennis Hi, how are you? Okay, you son of a bitch, check out this soup. I made that. In my crockpot. And you’re damn well going to hear about it. Ask me how easy it was, motherfucker. No…
Believe me, the feeling is mutual
By: Kathleen Wynne Look, you may think I’m aloof, cocooned in my Toronto bubble. But I’ve seen the same poll numbers you have. According to Forum and Ipsos-Reid, Ontarians overwhelmingly loathe m…
Removing toxic mold from the workplace is PC culture run amok
By ELEANOR THINKPIECE As a straight, cisgender white person, I know my opinion doesn’t count for much these days. But someone has to say it; the current movement to cleanse our workplaces of toxi…
Dear Elon Musk: We’ll happily compromise our integrity in exchange for your money
By: The Editorial Staff of The Beaverton Dear Elon Musk: We, the Editorial Staff at The Beaverton – Canada’s Premier News Satire Website and Crayon Manufacturer – have recently learned of your of…
All that stuff in the Harry Potter books wouldn’t have happened if the teachers had guns
Editorial by Larry Beaton For a month now people have been mocking President Trump, just because he had the audacity to suggest that our children would be safer in school if teachers were armed. …
Deep down, you always knew it was going to come to this
By: Doug Ford Did you expect anything else? In your heart of hearts, in the place where your greatest hopes and darkest fears reside, in that netherworld between sleep and nightmare at which poss…
Just a heads up to treat your adopted cousins the same as your normal cousins
By: Aunt Pam Greetings Tompkins Family! I know there’s no big gathering coming any time soon but I felt compelled to write to you all to remind you of something that’s been bothering me for a whi…
