DETROIT – In a show of corporate and community involvement, the Little Caesar’s pizza chain in Detroit will be hosting blood drives during the Ides of March. “Anyone who comes in during the Ides …
Business
Man trapped in IKEA for three weeks emerges knowing only how to församla the fyrkantig
MONTREAL – After being lost inside the Montreal IKEA superstore for over three weeks, a local man is now only able to converse in IKEA themed Swedish. Jerry Larsson, who subsisted mainly on…
Employee improves net earnings by using less effort per hour
KING CITY, ON – With the likelihood of an increase in minimum wage diminishing with each passing increase in the cost of living, one man is bucking this trend by working less to increase hi…
Flaherty aide spends three days editing swear words out of 2014 budget
OTTAWA – To prepare the 2014 budget for its unveiling, sources report that Flaherty’s top aide, Luisa McManus, worked round the clock to remove all obscenities from the document. “How much …
Gifts in WestJet’s viral Christmas video taken from Air Canada’s lost luggage
TORONTO — In a move contrary to the apparent benevolence, most of the presents in the WestJet’s Christmas Miracle video were taken from Air Canada’s lost luggage room, re-boxed, wrapp…
Study: 68% of people conducting surveys over the phone are not wearing pants
MONTREAL, QC – A recent study of call centres has revealed that more than two-thirds of their employees are conducting surveys in a state of pantlessness. The study found that the survey-takers’ …
Middle-aged white guys economic champions for the 1153rd consecutive year
WASHINGTON – The IMF has released its annual economic winners and losers list and the reigning champions, the middle-aged white male demographic, have topped the list for the 1153rd year in…
Blackberry announces new CEO by a lake of singing swans
WATERLOO – In front of a pristine lake populated by mute swans, Blackberry’s most senior downtrodden executives introduced John Chen as the company’s new CEO. “We thought the backdrop of the lake…
New wind farm built solely for clean coal commercials
SASKATOON – Energy consortium NorthAm Power has constructed a 47-turbine wind farm outside of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, solely for the purpose of being able to feature them in commercials pr…
Corporation copyrights© the term ‘copyright’©
WASHINGTON – In a surprise move, the US Supreme Court has ruled that Koch Industries has exclusive rights to the term ‘copyright’© and its use in all forms of expression. Chief Justice John…
