Charlottetown, PEI – After a lengthy court battle, eight-year-old Sandy Hamilton has been ordered to deliver to his once best friend, Jamie Vandermeer, exactly one million doll hairs, based…
Business
Uber passengers impressed with speed, efficiency of uninsured collisions
TORONTO – With the Uber ridesharing service now transporting thousands of riders in Toronto daily, many customers are reporting being impressed by Uber’s approach to collision insurance, na…
Underemployed millennial not particularly worried about housing bubble
VANCOUVER – Part-time barista Jeremy Fletcher admitted yesterday that he was not overly concerned about the possibility that housing prices across Canada could suddenly collapse, causing a …
Canada pledges $1 million to Kevin O’Leary if he will go away forever
OTTAWA — Citing concerns over reality show star and financial commentator’s impact on the value of Canadian public discourse, democratic process, and journalistic integrity, Canada is offering Ke…
Saskatchewan now world’s top exporter of vastness
SASKATOON – Following successful advertising blitzes in key markets like New York, Beijing, and Mexico City, the Canadian prairie province has eked out the competition to become the world’s…
US dollar tells Canadian dollar to stop hitting itself
INTERNATIONAL – Following an early morning noogie and a brutal shoe-lacing before lunch, the USD is spending its recess telling the CAD to stop hitting itself. “Stop hitting yourself,…
Local bar’s taps just pouring flies
INNISFIL, ON – Although they’re connected to a full keg and should theoretically be pouring beer, nothing but dead and live flies have come out of the draft taps at O’Halloran’s for the las…
Local paramedic tops UberX driver rankings
TORONTO – After topping user approval rankings last week, paramedic and ambulance driver John Smallberries has been named Canada’s number one UberX driver. Users of Smallberries’ service cite his…
Yukon sues Bombardier over faulty dog-sled mass transit system
WHITEHORSE – Following a series of failures, months of delays and technical problems, the city of Whitehorse is suing Bombardier over its new dogsled-based public transit system. Transportation M…
Nike boosts sales with new shoes targeted at young, wealthy centipedes
NEW YORK – Nike announced today that 2015 was its most successful year ever, crediting their massive increase in sales to a specialty line of sneakers that targeted the under-served “young,…
