MISSISSAUGA, ON – After dreaming he was experiencing the perfect freedom of untethered flight last night, reports have confirmed that customer service representative Jeffrey Kwan is being yelled at in his cubicle.
“How many times do I have to tell you, Jeff? Stick to the script!” shouted middle manager, Alan Lewis, at the man who just 3 hours earlier could feel the sun on his back as he soared high above the city. “How hard is it to upsell the auto insurance? The fuckers can’t even get on the road without it.”
Kwan, who dutifully came into work at 9am despite having easy access to the unlimited sky, fresh wind, and strange worlds of his subconscious, makes $13.25 an hour.
“What’s it gonna take for you to push the policies? You’re killing me here,” said Lewis, as Kwan pinched himself to confirm he was awake, and it was the feeling of looking down on the earth from miles above that had in fact been fake. “Oh, I’ve got it! How’s this for motivation? If you don’t boost your sales numbers by next week you’re fucking fired.”
At press time Kwan was seen miming the movements and wonder of swimming through an infinite ocean as he received a parking ticket.
