PALM BEACH, FL – FBI agents who recently participated in the raid on former President Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort have revealed to the press that while they are still sifting through the relevance …
Doug Ford grants powers to new Strong Mayors, Fast Mayors, Heat-Vision Mayors
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has emerged from his secret underground laboratory to announce his successful creation of a new breed of mayor with the strength, speed, agility and superhuman…
FILM REVIEW: Squid Game porn parody gets real weird, real quick
HAMILTON – Hi again, loyal readers! I’m here to give you the inside scoop on everything film and I’m thrilled to tell you all that the newly released porn parody of hit Netflix series Squid Game …
Health Canada announces fully vaccinated people allowed to cough into each other’s mouths again
OTTAWA – Announcing a new set of guidelines for Canadians before assembled press, representatives with Health Canada have confirmed that vaccinated residents are now permitted to cough directly i…
Queen’s cousin dies
WINDSOR, UK – Representatives of the British Monarchy have confirmed the sad news that the long-ailing cousin of the Queen, Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, has died. Prince Philip’s familial re…
Netfilx’s newest dating show asks: Can we get these sexy singles to fuck this tree?
LOS ANGELES – On the heels of the success of last year’s reality shows, Love is Blind and Too Hot to Handle, Netflix has announced the launch of a new reality dating show designed to answer…
Trump spends final days just rubbing his dick on everything in White House
WASHINGTON D.C. – As the days wind down in the first and potentially only term held by President Trump, the Commander in Chief is reported to be spending his dwindling hours rubbing his penis ove…
Biden creates OnlyFans channel to capture key pervert vote
DELAWARE – Democratic party nominee Joe Biden has announced the opening of a new channel on OnlyFans in order to convey his message of national unity to the website’s army of loyal perverts. “I a…
Internet worried it will run out of vital supplies of porn
THE INTERNET – Amid mass shortages of supplies of daily necessities like toilet paper and cleaning products, anxiety has started to increase with respect to a shortage of pornography available on…
TTC finally admits “signal upgrades” just code for Fuck Party in the subway tunnels
TORONTO – Toronto Transit Commission representatives have shocked the city by revealing that the commonly used explanation for subway closures – signal upgrades – is simply code for all TTC emplo…