WINNIPEG – Local pet owner Ricky Blinkin shocked friends and co-workers at his house party last Friday when, in a Herculean Feat, he managed to get his miniature schnauzer, Sigfried, to actually …
Snazzy business card fails to generate clients for asshole
CALGARY, AB – Despite purchasing a set of colourful, die-cut, embossed, holographic business cards, local real-estate agent and complete asshole Derick Fineley observed no noticeable increa…
Hey Stacey I just heard a really good song we should fuck to
By Todd Isaac Stacey, you know how you’re always saying I should be more romantic? Well, I just had to call you about this really great song I heard today. It’s got an awesome beat th…
New study links depression to sharing office space with Dave
MONTREAL – According to a report released by McGill’s Institute for Mental Health, the leading cause of depression among working Canadians is shared office space with Dave Sheppard. “Nine t…
Machismo exhibited by moving furniture alone
TORONTO – Local student Jeff Saunders impressed friends at his Beverley St. apartment when he moved a 340 lbs solid oak bunk bed from one side of his room to the other, sources reported las…
Community rallies to save $9 million cocaine factory
LOS PALOS BLANCO, VENEZUELA – The atmosphere was unusually somber today in Los Palos Blanco, a small Venezuelan community located just hours from Caracas. The normally bustling town was hit…
Man finally watches The Shawshank Redemption
VANCOUVER – To the relief of his friends and colleagues, local man Brett Kraftson finally watched the iconic film The Shawshank Redemption earlier this week. Kraftson finally takes the time…
Local bachelor unreasonably proud of keeping house plant alive
VANCOUVER – Local bachelor Louie Kaplansky expressed extreme pride this week, when he successfully managed not to kill a cactus he recently acquired. “I usually don’t do well with living things,”…
Heroic battle against cancer cut short by recovery
A woman’s courageous battle against cancer was cut short due to a speedy recovery, hospital doctors reported yesterday. “She’s healing quicker than expected,” explained Dr. Teeple of his patient,…
