VANCOUVER – Local man Kyle Seinkowiecz, 23, is being hailed as a modern day Rosa Parks after bravely refusing—despite all of his society’s disapproval—to turn down his headphones while riding a public bus.
“I count myself truly blessed to have witnessed such an important moment in the evolution of human rights,” fellow passenger Tina Kwon told reporters. “We were packed into the bus like sardines, and it was almost impossible to move even to get out the door. But it cheered us all up to get to listen to the tinny wailing of one person’s weirdly specific musical tastes.”
“At what was for all intents and purposes full volume!” he added.
In the face of an oppressive and dehumanizing norm that cruelly prevented him from playing such hits as “Butterfly,” “Rock Me Amadeus,” and “Miscellaneous technical pulsations” at a level of volume that everyone could enjoy, Steinowitz, 23, took a stand for transit users everywhere during the morning rush hour.
“It was so, so nice to see,” said another passenger, Tim Martinez, 43. “Getting to see a young man — without fear of consequences from the iron fist of a prejudiced society– crank up “She’s a Nympho” so loud that the small child twelve feet away could hear it was the most heartwarming thing I’d seen all day.”
Unfortunately, the sense of community was shattered when an elderly woman approached Seinkowiecz and demanded he lower the volume.
“Then she tapped him on the shoulder and said…I’m not sure I can repeat this. She said, ‘Excuse me, young man, can you turn your music down please?’” said Kwon. “it was disgusting.”
However in a stunning moment of courage, Steinkowicz stood up for himself. “Is it a fucking library in here? Christ,” was his reply.
“It was beautiful,” said a clearly emotional Martinez.
At press time, Seinkowicz made a further stand for civil rights by refusing to give up both of his spots on the train.
