TORONTO – Premier of Ontario and former hash dealer Doug Ford has announced the creation of a website where parents can report if their child’s teacher is not adhering to the PC mandated sex-ed curriculum, completely changing course on Ford’s long held belief that snitches get stitches.
“This is a risky political step for the Premier. We’ve seen how quickly the public can turn on a politician once they are labelled a flip-flopper,” said CBC political analyst Eric Grenier. “And Mr. Ford’s belief that those who betray their crew ought to be ‘dealt with’ is well known among the electorate.”
“This is bullshit,” agreed former Ford associate Marty Hicks. “Doug kicked my ass when I told my mom where I got the hash, but now he wants to turn the entire province into stool pigeons?”
For their part the Tories are trying to position the announcement less as a reversal and more of an evolution.
“Just like FDR was elected to balance the budget and ended up spending widely, or Jean Chretien promised to increase social spending but ending up reversing it when he discovered the need to reduce the deficit, Premier Ford has realized that, while a good rule of thumb, snitches get stitches can not apply in every case,” said PC spokeswoman Hillary Stark.
“He still very much believes in the snitches/stitches policy when it comes to foreign affairs, economic policy and family members complaining about him stealing all their money.”
It is unknown how Ford’s decision will affect other positions the Premier has long advocated, like Never Get High On Your Own Supply or Bitches Be Triflin’.
