Elora, ON ― First-time parents Felicity and Ivan Jennings welcomed an enormous waste of time, money, and effort into the world yesterday, which they refer to as their “son,” or Jody. Friends of t…
Tag: parents
Family of 5 enjoys 24 hour window where nobody sick
Vaughan, ON – Members of the Braiden family are excited to have an entire day where nobody in the house is sick. “Usually October through April at least one of us will have a fever, s…
Mom successfully convinced ashtray is for guest use only
WINDSOR — Crisis was averted over the weekend when local cashier Jennifer Pratt successfully convinced her mother that the ashtray in her living room is for guest use only. “Usually I’m meticulou…
Anti-LGBTQ+ protestors warn exposing kids to queer content will lead to uptick in Dan Levy gifs
OTTAWA – In the midst of Canada-wide protests from anti-LGBTQ+ hate groups, protestors warn that teaching inclusive curriculums will increase the volume of online reaction gifs featuring si…
Teacher struggling to indoctrinate child who never pays attention
REGINA, SK – Local school teacher Max Hammond is concerned that if one of his students doesn’t start focusing more in class, they will miss out on being forcibly led to adopt a more left-wi…
“Parents’ Rights” protestors describe what they think is being taught in schools
As Conservative parents continue to accuse public schools and teachers of “sexualizing kids”, “grooming kids”, “transing kids” and doing other verbs to kids, w…
Lonely man goes out looking like shit to ensure he runs into at least 3 people he knows
TORONTO – Feeling a bit lonely and without community local man Marcus Bailey has decided to go for a walk while looking absolutely terrible to guarantee he runs into several friends and acq…
Parents shocked to discover house they have lived in for twenty years has heating
BARRIE, ON – A local couple who have lived in the same house for over two decades have been shocked to discover their home has heating. “It’s just not something that ever occurred to us,” says ma…
Editorial: Kids today are overprotected! I died in a fire.
OLD TOWN OF YORK – Look, I’m not someone who rises from the grave easily. I’m just a normal taxpayer like anyone else. I keep my head down, visit the dying, scare cats, and I don’t get exci…
Parents wondering why you’re wasting your time trying to find a partner you like
YOUR PARENTS HOUSE – In the never-ending series of life choices you’ve made that baffle your parents, today they are wondering why you’re wasting your time trying to find a partner you like…
