QUEEN’S PARK – Premier Doug Ford is insisting that a photo of his annual Ford Fest celebration which depicted protestors as blue-clad supporters, as well as numerous 1980s-era professional wrestlers, was not photoshopped.
“Ford Fest is for the people, and there’s no way that any lefty loser protestors would ever show up to such a cool event,” explained the Premier. “And I can’t help it if my BBQ is so cool that awesome wrestlers like Sgt. Slaughter and Jake The Snake Roberts want to stop by. That’s just how popular I am, I guess.”
Ford went on to insist that any accusations of correcting an “orange tint” in the photo to hide protestors was a lie, as well as any suggestion that he was not actually close personal friends with Hacksaw Jim Duggan.
“I bet the NDP came up with that dirty lie when they were protesting at Ford Fest… I mean… when they were nowhere in the vicinity,” Ford added, as his nearby comms team begged him to stop talking about the story.
Asked how it could be possible that several legendary WWF stars could appear in the photograph despite being long dead, Ford began to visibly sweat. “Look, Hulk Hogan and Razor Ramon were both at my party, okay, and I would love to show you the proof, but my government just made that an illegal freedom of information request, so sucks to be you I guess.”
At press time, Doug Ford was still relating an anecdote to reporters about how he “totally gave an inverted suplex slam to Sgt. Slaughter, in front of everybody!”
