WASHINGTON D.C. – Using a fresh browser tab on a secure device, sources confirm that US President Donald Trump has, for the first time in his life, done a google search to find out what the word “Tariff” means.
Reports indicate the search began around 10:20 AM this morning, following worldwide reports of confusion and market panic after the Trump administration announced the most extreme and sudden taxes on foreign-made goods in modern history.
Following several failed attempts, including googling “Tarrif”, “Tarif”, and “Trump trade policy 2025 best ever”, the president finally located a definition which read “Tariff (noun) the duties or customs imposed by a government on imports or exports”.
While it is not clear whether any further web searches were conducted on the topic, the President did subsequently post on Truth Social “The PATIENT is done HIS operation IMPOSED BY A GOVERNMENT ON IMPORTS OR EXPORTS. MAGA! TRUMP 2028! ”
In a subsequent news conference later, Trump reiterated his message of extraordinarily aggressive trade protectionism, adding “Tariffs… no one knew what they were until today, but thanks to me, now, everybody knows what they are, and that is HUGE.”
At press time, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney was using his Oxford doctorate in economics to strategize on how best to negotiate with an opponent who reportedly spent 10 minutes reading the google definition for “terrace”.
