VICTORIA, BC – In a completely unexpected turn of events, local heartthrob and solid 9.5, Mark Steele, has reportedly discovered his soulmate who, in a jaw-dropping twist of fate, is also somehow incredibly hot.
This cosmic coincidence of two gorgeously attractive individuals who have miraculously managed to find each other in the vast sea of middlingly-attractive potential partners has left evolutionary biologists and sociologists alike scratching their heads in disbelief.
Mark, who shudders at thought of dating someone who’s not verified on instagram, says he knew she was the one when he saw her for the first time on his explore page.
“I thank the algorithm gods for putting her thrift haul video on my feed. I could tell just by the video that this girl was down to earth, and that’s hard to find these days,” said Steele.
The lucky gal, Molly Keele, 26, who is a thrift store fashion influencer despite coming from generational wealth, says she knew Mark was special as soon as she saw his ‘fire emoji’ response to her Instagram story.
Despite comments from naysayers, both Mark and Molly steadfastly maintain that it’s not about looks to them.
“Yeah, I’m above all that superficial stuff, man,” added Steele. “Like on our first date she talked about how much she likes food and music and I swear I’m always telling my friends how much I love food and music. On top of that, she’s so inspiring, like her talent as a swimsuit model makes me want to be a better swimsuit model.”
Meanwhile, Steele’s claims have baffled local statisticians who are currently unable to calculate the astronomically minuscule odds of two people each with perfect sets of abs, being fated together by the universe.
This news comes at a time where a baffling trend which shows that people who claim to be “soulmates”, which is supposed to be a concept of an intense predestined connection, are usually within 1 point of hotness of each other and have similar socioeconomic status.
After extensive consultations with experts, the resounding consensus appears to be nothing short of remarkable: “It appears that rich hot people like to bang each other.”
