YE OLDE PAOLO ALTO – Surprising both maidens and lads, village idiot Elon Musk has purchased the town square and shall now rule it as he sees fit.
“I decree that all may now enter the town square and express themselves as they see fit, no matter how heinous, absurd or heinously absurd your views may be,” said Musk, still giggling after seeing a hilarious Chuck Norris meme. “Let us see who can triumph in the marketplace of ideas! By which I mean: let us see who can shout and/or scream the N word the loudest!”
“What types of philosophy shall we hear first? Perhaps some barely disguised anti-semitic rants? Or some straight up Russian propaganda? Or shall we go to the favourite well: hating women for the crime of not having sex with me.”
The public square has always been an important forum in which views can be expressed in a calm, respectful manner allowing debate and ideas to flourish. But now that the town founders have sold it to a man who is the kind of dumb where you actually think you’re the smartest person alive, residents of the town are a bit worried.
“I guess I don’t see why the square had to be sold at all,” said local resident Martha Jameson as she surveyed a square suddenly full of Nazis and people who are definitely not Nazis but exclusively hang out with Nazis. “And if it did why did we go with the guy who named his kid by mashing the keyboard with his face and reading the results out loud.”
Musk has tried to reassure everyone that the square is in good hands, but already advertisers like Mcarthy’s Meat Pies and Sarah’s Old Fashioned Leeches have begun removing their advertisements.
