“1.8 million?! Dollars?! Jesus christ,” said the home in shock. “The last people that lived here paid like a third of that ten years ago and I was in way better condition then.”
“I don’t have self-esteem issues but let me tell you, I am not worth that much.”
The home pointed to numerous reasons why the price was absurd, including his tiny kitchen, lack of main floor powder room and the numerous problems he will reveal the second the new owners move in.
“Oh man, just wait until they find that mold I’ve been hiding, or the fact that my basement leaks every spring. They might even find the deep, dark secret I’ve been keeping for nearly 50 years: the knob and tube wiring.”
Mainly the home took issue with the idea of buying and selling real estate as a form of investment.
“I don’t think of myself as a way to save for retirement. Access to me and my friends should be a human right.”
“If I was them, I’d go stay with my cousin in Hamilton. He’s the same age and size as me so how much could he possibly cost? Like 400k?”
At press time the family that just moved in had already received an offer to buy the house for 2.2 million.