OTTAWA – One of the judges who presided over the court hearings of the Freedom Convoy organisers is facing threats from the Convoy’s supporters, who insist that they just want to exercise their God-given freedom to execute the government employees they don’t like.
“As a Canadian, I have every right to reject a lifesaving miracle of science, harass and intimidate Ottawa neighbourhoods for weeks on end, and circumvent the judicial process with violent threats,” one Convoy participant said. “It’s in the Constitution, I think, or maybe the Charter. I don’t know, one of those things with all the words.”
While the threats were deemed serious enough to require police intervention, Convoy supporters insisted that the movement remains committed to the free and democratic exchange of anonymous malice.
“If you say that the legal process should be respected because it’s the bedrock of civil society, and I say that any government stooge who stands in our way should be dragged out into the streets and shot, aren’t we just having a spirited debate, you fucking traitorous scumbag?” another supporter inquired.
The threats coincided with the arrest of key Convoy organiser Tamara Lich, who allegedly violated her bail conditions.
“I won’t apologise for ignoring the consequences of my actions,” Lich said. “Canadians can never be truly free as long as we are forced to acknowledge that our decisions affect the lives of other human beings.”
“I, for one, am not going to live in fear. It’s fine if other people do, though.”
Several Convoy participants are planning a new protest on Canada Day, although they have promised to respect any police officers who once again do not attempt to enforce the rule of law.
“Just because we want to murder a judge it doesn’t mean we want to murder all judges,” one supporter said. “Our only issue is with the ones who try to hold us accountable.”
The terrorised judge in question could not be reached for comment, as they were busy exercising their freedom to buy a new home security system, disguise their route to work, and update their will.