CALGARY – According to eyewitnesses, a group of anti-vaccine mandate protestors outside of the Foothills Medical Centre appear thoroughly confused as to where or even how Canada passes laws.
Reports indicate the group of anti vaccine demonstrators seem unaware that Canada operates under the Westminster system, where laws are made by Parliament, as opposed to some sort of heretofore uninvented system of governance where legislative power is held by healthcare workers.
“Given the choice between taking a free, effective vaccine and yelling at people outside a hospital, it’s pretty obvious which path to take,” screamed protester Gerald O’Brien. “I just want to be on the right side of history.”
This unconventional approach to creating political change is spreading to other organizations. Greenpeace has announced plans to combat global warming by launching a series of demonstrations next to melting glaciers.
Back at the hospital, various doctors, nurses, and support staff protestors expressed bafflement at the protestors’ confused message. “I’m having trouble following this,” admitted nurse Patricia Riggs. “If medical professionals were able to legislate public health measures, do you really think we would’ve taken so long to mandate vaccines?”
The exhausted Riggs added, “And why would we invoke emergency work rules that allow the province to force nurses to work mandatory overtime? Come on!”
While the protests have caused massive disruptions for patients and workers, reports show they has saved on ambulance costs, as unmasked anti-vaxxers who catch COVID and need to go to be ventilated can simply be wheeled into the ICU.
