LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA – “I’m so proud of Georgia for delivering the Senate to the Democrats,” lifelong Californian Steven Carter wrote on Facebook today, after recently dismissing the entire state as being full of “far-right, cousin kissing hillbillies.”
“This is the culmination of years of effort by countless volunteers who have worked hard in the face of tremendous adversity,” Carter continued, despite earlier telling their friends that “those banjo picking yokels are going to let us down yet again.”
“I have no doubt that Jon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock will make the Peach State proud,” said a man who has never been to the South because, in his words, “why the hell would I want to go down there?”
“And let’s not forget Stacey Abrams, who is a real-life Captain America #yasslayqueen,” Carter’s best friend replied, while quietly deleting last week’s suggestion that Joe Biden should withhold funding from southern states to punish Republican supporters.
“I’m excited to witness the beginning of a major change in American politics!” Carter’s Canadian cousin added, about a week or so before they’ll get back to making cracks about West Virginia.
At press time, Carter was calling the Capitol Hill rioters “white supremacists” who were “enabled” by the police, before commenting “I’m so thankful I live somewhere sane.” Carter then de-stressed by watching one of the many TV shows made in his state about white cops arresting uppity minorities.