OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced today that Canada will soon receive its first batch of COVID vaccinations, which will be distributed to Canadians using Health Canada’s new vaccine advent calendar.
“With millions of Canadians wanting to resume normal life and only so many vaccines to go around, it is vital that we come up with a system that is fair, protects the vulnerable and, most importantly, is whimsical,” said Trudeau at a press conference. “So what better way to celebrate the season than an advent calendar counting down the days until you can see your parents without worrying about killing them!”
“Makes you feel like a non-infectious kid again,” he added.
Each Canadian should expect to receive the calendar in the mail shortly. The calendars will be quite large, as they need to accommodate up to 10 months of dates before the resident reaches the square holding the ‘redeem this for 2 doses of vaccine at any Shoppers Drug Mart’ coupon.
Although the non-vaccine entries will not be as important as the vaccine one, the Canadian government has done their best to make them fun as well. Behind the doors Canadians can expect to find numerous items like toys, a Wilfred Laurier bobblehead, clippers to give yourself a home haircut, a DVD of Paul Gross’ WWI film Passchendaele, maple syrup scented hand sanitizer, a signed photograph of Paul Martin and ‘A Brief Guide to Falling Down the Stairs at Parties For Laughs’ written by Trudeau himself. Oh and a Kinder Egg, obviously.
“It’s a bit like the 12 days of Christmas, only it’s the 286 days of COVID,” said Minister of Health Patty Hajdu
The government is also planning on releasing a special holiday song for the growing anti-vaxxer community called ‘(you should stay) Silent Night’.
