Timmins, ON – Troy Lambert, a cunning rapscallion, believes he has gotten one over on the universe by watching pornography using google chrome’s incognito mode.
“Now no one will know that I ever consumed this delicious filth,” declared Lambert as he closed all 15 tabs and opened a regular browsing window.
“Now next time my mom borrows my laptop to watch youtube clips of cats she will have no idea that, I a 21 year old male, have watched internet pornography,” he added.
Google invented incognito mode primarily so people could keep reading New York Times articles even after reaching their maximum of 7 free monthly reads. But despite the logo looking like it was almost exclusively designed for perverted behaviour no one had ever considered using it for flesh flicks until Lambert’s epiphany.
Everyone agrees that watching consenting adults having sex is shameful behaviour that must be hidden, given that only 4 billion people watch porn every day. Some have tried clearing their history, while others have gone further and simply destroyed their laptop and set it on fire to conceal the evidence. Now Lambert has changed the game.
“Honestly it’s just nice to know that no one will ever be able to crack the impenetrable security mechanisms activated by clicking file, open incognito window,” said Lambert, completely unaware of what those security measures may be.
“Not even God himself!” he clarified.
Naturally this is not Lambert’s first attempt to watch porn without anyone finding out. He has previously tried such foolproof measures as ‘closing his bedroom door after asking all his roommates if they’ve seen his headphones’, logging onto his computer as ‘guest’ and covering himself and the laptop in a kind of pornography fort.
At press time Lambert’s computer had been infected with 8 different types of porn related malware all set to go off the second he starts giving the big presentation at work.
