TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford has announced that he will review claims of nepotism by his government along with a crack team of friends and family members.
Ford explained that the public can trust these individuals since he’s known these people for years, and meet all of the qualifications of knowing the Premier.
“We need to do better when it comes to hiring a friend-of-a-friend, a politician’s father, or a wife’s niece,” said Ford. “This team will be appointed for three years and be required to travel to places like London and New York where some of the alleged nepotism happened.”
The Premier’s buddy from beer league softball will be the lead investigator, his third cousin twice removed will handle paper files, while his business partner’s step son will handle the digital files. The fourth member of the team, the nephew of a PC riding association President, has yet to be given an official title.
“We’re still figuring out Ned’s role, but I can assure you his experience in high school football will help him tackle real life problems,” added Ford. “And I know a guy who would be really good at managing this team once he finishes his grade 10.”
Other changes announced in the government’s appointment process will now require a resume clearly detailing where they met the Premier and/or Premier’s friend or a family tree illustrating a familial relationship.
Additionally, the Ford government will also require a DNA sample from all appointees to ensure those who are related to a member of Ford’s inner circle are considered in future appointments.
