TORONTO – Columnist Joe Warmington was disappointed that he would not see his ready-to-publish pre-written anti-Islam column go to print in the Toronto Sun today after police confirmed that the perpetrator of a recent deadly shooting in Fredericton was white.
“I worked so hard to fill in the blanks in my terrorism template with New Brunswick-specific details, and now all that copy-and-pasting is going down the drain,” lamented Warmington. “I guess I’ll just have to wait until we get the right kind of attack.”
The suspect was revealed to be named Matthew Vincent Raymond, “which is especially frustrating because it’s just three white guy first names in a row,” explained Warmington. “He’s probably not even a refugee or anything. My whole paragraph about how this is what happens when we don’t stand up to Sharia law looks RIDICULOUS now!”
Editors at the Sun confirmed that they did attempt to rush to publish Warmington’s column before all the facts came in, in keeping with their journalistic practice, but by the time they had corrected all the spelling errors, word of the suspect’s ethnicity had already broke.
Warmington added “I wish I didn’t have to wait around to try to use the deaths of innocent people as a way to lend some kind of logic to statements that would otherwise be deemed racist. I can only hope we get another one of these soon.”