ST. CATHARINES, ON – Investigators are piecing together an incident from earlier this summer where Mr. Pickles, the Williams’ family dog, took great pleasure in watching a bystander smash the window of his owner’s 2010 Chevrolet Malibu while locked inside.
“I had to break the glass to save him,” said window smasher, Kyle Dungey in reference to the supposedly trapped dog who was laughing on the inside. “I took my jumbo can of Great Value beans and gravy and pounded the window until I became a hero.”
Mr. Pickles, whose full name is Sir Pickles of Scruffyham, had in reality just fooled his owner and the other bipeds involved for no good reason.
“I swear he wasn’t inside the car when I left the house”, pleaded Mr. Pickle’s owner Jake Williams, who was arrested on sight after the event. “I don’t know how he did it but he’s tried to pull this shit on me like four times already.”
The Australian Yorkshire Terrier has conducted smaller stunts such as wiping his butt along a freshly clean floor and rolling in dead birds but to date this is his greatest prank.
“The feeling we all had when the glass broke and that little dog inhaled its first breath of fresh air was exhilarating”, commented onlooker and ignorant rube, Shelly Hornbacher. “We all did something special that day”, which in fact they did not.
At press time Mr. Pickles blamed the entire event on the family cat, Duchess.
