CANADA – Industry, government, and social gatherings ground to a halt today as every Canadian citizen found themselves unable to get around an Edmonton man out for a very leisurely stroll.
“Dammit I’m going to be late for work,” said David Macklan, a litigator from Kamloops, B.C. “Why does this always happen when I decide to walk?”
The man, whose age is estimated at 38, is reported to be wearing earbuds and listening to loud music making it impossible for the almost 35 million people behind him to get his attention. Eyewitnesses indicate that he stops every few storefronts to window-shop while the nation desperately tries to find a way to slip by without making any awkward physical contact.
“I have an hour to get this heart to the OR,” said Samantha Timmins, chief surgeon at Toronto General. “I’d rather not explain that a kid had to die because some guy is fascinated by Nike’s new line of athletic wear.”
Mounties have been dispatched to the scene although they report that there’s some kind of hold-up on all major roads, minor roads, and sidewalks.
“This is ridiculous,” said Prime Minister Stephen Harper, while checking his watch. “I wish someone would go talk to him. Someone needs to take charge of the situation.”
This is reminiscent of an event from this past summer when the Canadian senate lost almost $1 billion at a convenience store because they were too polite to mention they’d gotten the wrong change.
