EDMONTON – Because the COVID vaccine generally causes soreness in the arm it’s injected into, Dr. Alex Hall has been advising Canadians to get it in their non-masturbation arm. “Many Canadians ar…
Tag: masturbation
Ontario bans non-essential jacking off
TORONTO – At a press conference this morning Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced that the province would be banning all non-essential jacking off to combat the rise of COVID-19. “List…
Local man’s hand lotion unable to be placed anywhere without implying that’s where he jerks it
KAMLOOPS, BC – After Ian McKean purchased a 600 ml bottle of cocoa butter lotion, he has been unable to find a location in his apartment to put it that doesn’t suggest that’s where he furio…
Hyper-realistic sex doll will now masturbate itself to orgasm afterwards
SAN DIEGO – A California based company known for its sex toys and other mature playthings has recently announced the launch of their newest sex doll which simulates hyper-realistic sexual e…
5 indoor exercises that aren’t masturbating
Winter is a tough time for everyone. Your bike is in storage, it’s too cold to go jogging, and you’re not burning enough calories, no matter how frequently you masturbate. If you’re getting bored…
#TBT to the time you first heard Louis C.K. was a sexual predator!
OMG! It’s finally happened. After years of… let’s call them “rumours” – at least five women have come forward to say that Louis C.K. abused his position of power to whip it out and start ma…