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National
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- Canada Votes 2015
Rex Murphy’s Obituary written in the style of a Rex Murphy editorial

Canadian universities defend banning pro-Palestinian encampments: “We want our students to study genocide, not actually do anything about it”

Everything freedom loving Conservatives have banned Canadians from doing in recent years

Liberal budget promises 10 bajillion dollars to whatever thing you’re into

Man with dedicated folder for ‘back of the head’ selfies definitely not balding

Nation’s cyclists mortified after learning that stop signs and red lights apply to them too

Fuck! Group of teens just noticed you

White kid’s name spelled normally

Amazing! Bald eagles seen living in Toronto with zero roommates!

Toronto Police advise banks to leave big pile of money at the door to avoid being robbed

Eglinton LRT builders mail ransom note, severed piece of track, to Torontonians

Toronto Liberal MPs accuse Olivia Chow of trying to help Toronto

Just for Laughs Festival files for bankruptcy protection just before jumping out of box wearing gorilla mask

Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again

Report: Killer Whales actively preparing to bring down a plane

Vancouver considers buying a second snowplow

Vancouver actor moves to L.A. to improve odds of getting cast in shows that shoot in Vancouver

Vancouver removes tents from Eastside unless they can prove they’re a weed shop

Tied Yukon election to be decided by traditional chainsaw throw

Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes

Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter

Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one

York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam

Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s

Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt

Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation

Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots

Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews

Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews

OCAD University: University Reviews 2014

NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government

Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority

90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party

Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
UPDATE: Royal Family insists Kate has always had 3 hands, and King Charles is with her on a farm in the country

Buckingham Palace struggling to enforce Return to Office policy

Royal Family stands by photos, insists Kate Middleton has always had 3 hands

Ukrainian military discovers Canadian “drones” just old Sea Kings with GoPros taped on

Biden pledges to not smile the next time he gives Netanyahu one billion dollars

American 18-year-olds stoked to vote in last presidential election

OJ Simpson funeral to feature ceremonial televised white bronco chase

OJ Simpson dies surrounded by family members he didn’t murder

Living History: Grandma exchanged letters with John Diefenbaker where he talks about his “Dief Beef”

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice

July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Sports
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Toronto’s expansion WNBA franchise mathematically certain to win their league championship before Leafs do

Maple Leafs begin search for new scapegoat

Hardworking Leafs tie up series, maximize how sad fans will be when they still lose

Loblaws promises to lower grocery prices as soon as Leafs win three rounds in the playoffs
Business
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Entire province of New Brunswick buried with Arthur Irving to accompany him in afterlife

To deter thefts, Loblaws to force customers to eat entire content of shopping carts before leaving store

Boeing whistleblower found dead in Boeing plane that spontaneously combusted

Conservatives announce that Loblaws will be exclusive distributors of new Porn IDs
Culture
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All male podcast somehow passes Bechdel test

Seinfeld slams woke student audiences: “Back when I dated high school girls, they found me hilarious!”

Was 2003 The Best Year Ever? No, But You People Endlessly Crave Nostalgia Therapy

Deadpool & Wolverine to finally introduce Canada to Marvel Cinematic Universe

Extreme home makeover? This man washed his sheets

Boy realises the magic really was in that amulet and not inside him in the slightest

Luxury porta-potty includes chemical bidet

Hero driver taps lightly on brakes before plowing into cyclist

4 hangover cures that aren’t as good as playing Home for a Rest by beloved Canadian folk rock band Spirit of the West at full volume

Malfunctioning embryo freezer charged with mass murder

Breaking: Coworker who gave entire office Covid promoted for never taking a day off

Read the curriculum for Jordan Peterson’s court ordered social media training

Editorial: Five ways to use your huge bazongas as literal weapons in the Woke War, by the National Post

Editorial: Women must date unpleasant men, and we’re not just saying that because we’re unpleasant men

You fucking Leafs fans still think I’m the worst Defenceman you’ve ever seen?

Is Buffy Ste Marie actually Indigenous? Six extremely white people weigh in

Child abuse? This baby is wearing jeans

Toddler guzzling bathwater like Nero at Bacchanal in waning days of Roman Empire

5 tips for betting on NHL preseason games while your whiny children beg you for attention

EDITORIAL: Why I’m not letting my kids use social media except the YouTube channel they star in that pays our mortgage

93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts

86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages

2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview

Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles

Missed Connections: You were the public urinator on Main and 5th

LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Five people you hope are not on the Epstein list

Free speech champions explain why it’s OK that people are being cancelled for criticizing Israel

Devastating: Woman forgets “R” in email to Pedro

Most popular TV show in each Province

You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?

You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?

You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?

You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?

Quiz: Should you watch Barbie, Oppenheimer or 2008 Canadian WWI drama Passchendaele

Quiz: Who should you vote for in Toronto’s Mayoral Race

Quiz: Who should you vote for in the Alberta Provincial Election

QUIZ: Is it a pyramid scheme or just a regular cult?

Free speech champions explain why it’s OK that people are being cancelled for criticizing Israel

Conservatives explain why Pierre Poilievre attacking ‘globalist elites’ isn’t antisemitic

Liberals explain why they can’t do anything about the housing crisis

Canadians react to Pierre Poilievre’s “sexy” makeover

How To Go Vegan…Next Week

Guide To: Edmonton

Guide To: St.John’s

How To Lose Weight
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Tag: knives

- December 18, 2018

Elf on the Shelf keeps getting into the knives

News In Photos: Elf on the Shelf keeps getting into the knives Image via Deposit Photos…

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