SPACEPORT AMERICA — Billionaire entrepreneurs Richard Branson, Jeff Bezos, and Elon Musk have announced plans to pool their resources to launch a collective $100 billion dollars in unmarked…
Tag: Jeff Bezos
Thousands of losers wait in line for retail stores rather than have everything shipped to them by evil conglomerate
TORONTO – As retail stores opened in Ontario this weekend, thousands of losers, nobodies and morons chose to stand in line to buy items from retail stores instead of just ordering everythin…
Jeff Bezos to step down in five to ten days, or overnight with Prime
SEATTLE – Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos has announced his intention to step down, with the move taking effect some time in the next five to ten days, with the option for a much speedier…
Grimes says she’s “enjoying” having COVID-19, being in relationship with Elon Musk
LOS ANGELES — Vancouver-born pop musician Grimes announced Monday that she had “finally” tested positive for COVID-19, calling the “DayQuil fever dream strangely enjoyable.” Since then, she has b…
“Just figure it out!” screams Jeff Bezos at underlings after hearing of man who provides overnight shipping worldwide on Christmas Eve
SEATTLE – On the heels of their most successful year yet, Amazon HQ was thrown into chaos this afternoon after CEO Jeff Bezos caught wind of a competitor potentially edging in on holiday profits.…
Guy Fieri and 4 other guys who aren’t nearly as awful as they look
These days it appears that most men are trash. As a trashy man, I can confirm. However, once in a while, a man emerges that seems to dress and probably smell bad, but turns out to be way better t…
Jeff Bezos on track to become first man to steal a trillion dollars from his employees
MEDINA, WA – A new report suggests that Amazon founder Jeff Bezos could become the first man on earth to successfully steal a trillion dollars from his employees. “Tim Cook, Elon Musk, the …
Police seek public’s help identifying looters
American authorities are asking for the public’s help in a nationwide manhunt for two men caught on camera looting during a time of emergency. Witnesses say the men pictured took advantage of a h…
Celebrating Prime Day Results, Bezos awards all robots one extra squeeze of oil
SEATTLE, WA — Following the record 175 million items sold over the Prime Day Sale this past week, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos celebrated by giving each warehouse robot one extra squeeze of AmazonBasics…
New Amazon service will deliver baseball bat directly to your union rep’s knees
PALO ALTO – After Amazon Key revolutionized home delivery by allowing strangers into your house, the retail giant has launched a new service promising to permanently change the way your uni…