BRAMPTON, ON — In the wake of Canadians calling for a month-long boycott of all Loblaws stores, combined with the threat of an alleged impending “Steal From Loblaws Day,” fed up Loblaws CEO Per B…
Tag: inflation
Liberal budget promises 10 bajillion dollars to whatever thing you’re into
OTTAWA – The new Liberal budget was officially released yesterday, with the government unveiling a number of plans involving new programs and spending, including $10 bajillion dollars for w…
Grinch reverts to old ways as price of roast beast skyrockets under inflation
WHOVILLE, AB ― Reports from Whoville, a remote town outside Banff, indicate that its most famous resident has returned to his old domicile on a cold mountaintop on the outskirts of town. After se…
Grocers eager to stabilize prices at 500% of pre-pandemic values
OTTAWA, ON― Representatives for Loblaw, Metro, and Empire have responded with enthusiasm to Justin Trudeau’s recent ultimatum requiring them to curb inflation, which is now running at 4%. “We wan…
Meeting on grocery prices stalls as CEOs send Trudeau to self-serve negotiator
OTTAWA – A meeting convened with Canada’s top grocery CEOs to discuss soaring prices stalled this week, as the executives directed Trudeau to conduct his own discussion with their automated…
“I’m glad inflation is finally under control,” says man on verge of losing house
MISSISSAUGA – In response to recent reports from the Bank of Canada, Canadians across the country are celebrating that inflation is finally under control, amongst them local man Bryan Fergu…
Canada’s grocery companies pretending not to hear about falling inflation rate
OTTAWA – Statistics Canada reports that the national inflation rate has fallen for a second consecutive month, and the nation’s grocery stores are dutifully pretending not to hear about it.…
Trudeau announces he will ban inflation
OTTAWA – In a bold legislative move to combat the ongoing rise in inflation, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has announced he plans to declare the unavoidable byproduct of the modern monetary…
Galen Weston defends $3 million raise by asking “Have you seen how expensive stuff is getting lately?”
Caledon, Ontario –Loblaws CEO Galen Weston defended his $3 million raise this week by noting that it’s really not that much when you think of how expensive things are nowadays. “Have …
Due to inflation, Newfoundland time zone now 45 minutes past the hour
ST JOHN’S – The Government of Newfoundland and Labrador this week announced that after adjustments for inflation, Newfoundland’s time zone will be shifted to 45 minutes past the hour. Prem…