TORONTO — After Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced yesterday that September 19th would be a nationwide holiday to commemorate the death of Queen Elizabeth II, Ontario Premier Doug Ford…
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Canadian government announces ten days of mourning for the 45000 Canadians who’ve died of COVID, jk, it’s for that one rich lady
OTTAWA – Canadians were shocked and gladened this week when the Canadian government finally acknowledged the immense amount of loss the country has suffered over the three years of the COVI…
Breaking: Canada loses Conservative Leadership Race
OTTAWA – The results of the CPC leadership competition are in and, on the very first ballot, the country of Canada lost. “The results couldn’t be more clear,” said political analyst Martha …
Man who never visits own grandmother heartbroken over Queen Elizabeth’s death
VANCOUVER – Jason Klein, who has only visited his 98-year-old grandmother twice in the last five years despite living less than a half-hour’s drive away, is still reeling from the news that…
Hockey Canada insists it can change its culture without replacing leadership, changing culture
OTTAWA – As they continue to resist calls for institutional change, Hockey Canada officials are promising Canadians that they will be able to eliminate the rape culture currently pervasive …
Conservatives explain why they are supporting Pierre Poilievre for Leader
With Pierre Poilievre expected to be chosen as Conservative Party Leader this week, we sat down with Conservative Party members who explained why they voted for him. Sven McDaniels (Accountant) &…
Umpire excited for son to watch him get screamed at
TORONTO – According to local sources, Umpire Thomas Beck is thrilled that his 12-year-old son will have the opportunity to watch him work and be heckled at a Major League Baseball game. “Knowing …
Policy section of Pierre Poilievre’s website contains phrase ‘to play devil’s advocate’ 38 times
OTTAWA – Frontrunner for Conservative Party Leader Pierre Poilievre has released a detailed policy section on his website about what he will do if elected PM, which contains the phrase R…
Ontario to replace five-day Covid isolation period with pinky swear that you’re not still contagious
TORONTO – Ontario’s top doctor Dr. Kieran Moore stated in a press conference yesterday that, given the understanding that Covid cases will rise significantly in the fall with the cold weath…
Garage sale host far too willing to share which items belonged to dead wife
SASKATOON — This weekend Sutherland neighbourhood residents gathered at Ronald Keegan’s end-of-summer garage sale, only to find that Ronald is far too inclined to inform buyers which items were o…
