OTTAWA – Leading up to its July 1st birthday, Canada has been telling people that it is turning 150 for a second year in a row out of fear that it will be thought of as “that gross old coun…
Tag: Canada 150
Parliament Hill cancels NYE plans after failing to anticipate winter might be cold
OTTAWA – Many of the Canada 150 New Year’s Eve celebrations have been cancelled after event organizers failed to consider the possibility of winter. Despite the considerable cost and hours …
Out of work giant rubber duck tragically deflates self with heroin needle
TORONTO – After weeks of unemployment following the Canada 150 celebrations, the giant rubber duck that was a star attraction has tragically deflated itself while trying to shoot heroin. “I…
How will you celebrate Canada’s 151st Birthday
Every week Beaverton editor-in-chief Luke Gordon Field assembles some of the country’s best comedians and writers to talk, mock and riff their way through the news of the week. Then he puts…
Hundreds still waiting in line for Parliament Hill’s Canada Day celebrations
OTTAWA – As many returned to work today in Canada’s capital, hundreds more were still patiently waiting in line to check out the Canada 150 celebrations on Parliament Hill three days after …
Albertans erect ‘forgotten province’ memorial in wake of Trudeau’s Canada 150 address
EDMONTON – Ensuring that the province will never forget how they were forgotten in a celebratory sesquicentennial speech by the Prime Minister, Albertans have erected a large monument in Ed…
Trudeau writes ‘Alberta’ on hand so he doesn’t forget province in next speech
OTTAWA – After forgetting to mention the province while listing all of the others in his Canada 150 address to the nation, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has jotted down ‘Alberta’ on his lef…
Ghost of John A. Macdonald taps broken keg in Canada Day weekend miracle
Georgian Bay, ON – After a poorly thrown football knocked their only keg onto some rocks, guests at the rented Georgian Bay party cottage were shocked by both the sudden appearance of John …
Canada celebrates 150 years since finding totally uninhabited piece of land on which to build country
CANADA – Calling it a “stroke of great luck” and “just about the most you can hope for”, Canadians everywhere are celebrating the good fortune of their ancestors, who found 10 million squar…
Nation’s Millennials celebrate four days of time-and-a-half pay
CANADA- The nation’s underemployed Millennials have reason to be excited as this July 1st weekend marks the ancient four-day celebration of time-and-a-half pay, thus allowing them to finally earn…