Hand-washing apparently still too complicated for 90% of the population
OTTAWA – Despite countless campaigns, television ads, posters, and educational programs, only a small portion of the Canadian population seems to have grasped the concept of washing their h…
Man still unfit after training montage
OAKVILLE, ON – Local man Aaron Montague failed to complete a half-marathon last week, despite preparing with an hour-long training montage. “I did everything right,” Montague insisted. “I t…
‘Occupy Toronto’ successfully undermines ‘Occupy Wall Street’
TORONTO – ‘Occupy Toronto’ protesters are celebrating their media gains over ‘Occupy Wall Street’ this week. “People didn’t think we had it in us,” said Alek Brondowin, a protester. “But slowly w…
Toronto bans consumption and sale of shark fins
The city of Toronto, along with other municipalities, has voted to ban the possession, sale, and consumption of shark fins and shark fin products due to concerns that sharks are inhumanely treate…
Two friends become better friends
HALIFAX, NS – Two acquaintances increased their friendship by 200 percent this week, thanks to the combined effect of two man-dates within a 36-hour period. Taking in a summer blockbuster o…
Jogger decides to sprint
BURNABY, BC – 32-year-old jogger Walter Finnesky made the decision to run faster on Tuesday. “I was puttering along, and this kid rides by so slowly on a bike,” Finnesky said. “So I picked …
Millions will be spent to commemorate War of 1812’s 200th anniversary
The Harper government is investing nearly $30-million to commemorate the War of 1812, through historical battle re-enactments and other activities, in hopes of reviving interest in Canada’s…
