Man in bloodstained lab coat demands to know what science has done
DEER CREVICE, ON – After grabbing a series of passers-by to tell them that we should never have tried to play God, a bloodstained local scientist has fallen to his knees in the center of to…
Cutting out the middleman: Corporations, unions replace party leaders for next BC election debate
VANCOUVER – British Columbia’s corporate and union interests have announced that they will replace all party leaders with better, more eloquent lobbyists for Wednesday’s televised debate. “…
5 ways to write-off last year’s failed relationships on your taxes
From the first, lust-filled round of craft beer to the eighth break-up bottle of scotch, the arc of your failed 2016 relationships is perfectly documented on the credit card statements you need t…
Canada responds to US lumber tariff by slapping 30% tax on white nationalism
OTTAWA — The Canadian government this week responded to US President Donald Trump’s decision to impose a 20% tariff on softwood lumber imports by implementing a 30% tax on America’s chief e…
Tim Hortons launches answer to Unicorn Frappuccino: a cup of neon paint
OAKVILLE, ON – Releasing it hot on the heels of Starbucks’ multi-coloured Unicorn Frappuccino, Tim Hortons has announced its own Instagram-ready drink: a cup filled with neon paint. T…
BV+: Has PC Culture gone TOO far?
Meet the courageous Professor standing up to PC culture.…
Graduating university student going to miss having excuse to live in own filth
MONTREAL – After four years of using his educational status to deflect judgement, Concordia student Navin Singh already misses having a solid excuse to live in his own filth. “Used to be th…
Rex Murphy safely re-enters Ontario after snapping turtle hunt permanently banned
CORNWALL, ON – After years of living in fear of being shot at by ubiquitous snapping turtle hunters, Rex Murphy can finally enter Canada’s most populous province again following a decision …
Apple invents new laptop that is designed to be turned off once in a while
PAOLO ALTO – In a stunning announcement Apple Inc. has revealed that their new MacBook Pro has been specially built so that it will function better if turned off from time to time. “As our …
75% of Canada 150 budget spent on hiding worst parts of national history
OTTAWA – After rejecting most of the proposed Canada 150 projects in March, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau explained today that the majority of the anniversary budget had already been earmar…
