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Guide To: Australia
National
National
Local
Toronto
Montreal
Vancouver
North
Campus
University Reviews
Canada Votes 2015
Study: Best way to get rid of a body is to check it as luggage with Air Canada
Canadians already giving up on 2023, begin planning for 2024 instead
Premiers demand more healthcare funding to spend on fuck you, that’s what
“The Freedom Convoy Protest wasn’t an emergency,” says man who doesn’t live in Ottawa
In historic first, Dollarama opens second cash
Apartment building named “Regency Landing” appoints Maintenance Viscount to fix leaking shitter pipes
“You should totally have kids!” says friend who should not have had kids
Local woman spices up dinner party with olive oil and balsamic body shots
TTC increases security on streetcars to ensure stabbers paid fare
John Tory proposes increasing Toronto Police budget to keep Torontonians safe from effective social programs
“Toronto is the most multicultural city in the world,” brags unicultural man to unicultural friends
Study: Drivers debating between Express and Collectors choose slower one 100% of the time
Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again
Half of Osheaga too high to realize festival ended 2 days ago
Vancouver considers buying a second snowplow
Vancouver actor moves to L.A. to improve odds of getting cast in shows that shoot in Vancouver
Vancouver removes tents from Eastside unless they can prove they’re a weed shop
Thousands of Vancouver perverts delight in taking pictures of tree genitalia
Tied Yukon election to be decided by traditional chainsaw throw
Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes
Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter
Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one
York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam
Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s
Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt
Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation
Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots
Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews
OCAD University: University Reviews 2014
NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government
Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority
90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party
Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
World
U.S.
Historical Archives
Harry hopes publicizing struggles will help ordinary people with their own world-famous royal families
Trump sues far-right Brazilian protestors for trademark infringement
Canada to allow international students to work more hours to expedite exploitation
Trudeau keeps running mouth about Putin as if Canada isn’t perfect target for nuclear warning shot
Following Speaker victory, Kevin McCarthy confident it will be “smooth sailing from here”
Experts warn a US rail strike could’ve lead to shortage of hobo tall tales
BREAKING: Donald Trump announces whatever it takes to get on TV again
Democrats just as shocked as you that they didn’t fuck up this election
Living History: Grandma exchanged letters with John Diefenbaker where he talks about his “Dief Beef”
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice
July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Sports
Sports
Canucks aim to improve their reputation by hiring former player Todd Bertuzzi as Health and Fitness Coach
Hockey world in shock after NHL star marries brunette
Oilers fan sick of media always talking about the Leafs has tweeted about the Leafs 6 times today
Basketball Insider: Get me out, I’m stuck inside a basketball!
Business
Business
Man caught stealing eggs from Loblaws charged with theft over $5,000
Zellers stores to return now that this online shopping fad has blown over
Poll: Majority of Canadians willing to vote for whatever politician promises to slap Galen Weston Jr. in the face
Supply chain issue results in shortage of cans of whoop-ass
Culture
Culture
Lifestyle
Health
Opinion
Parenting
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Classifieds
Adult Swim announces plans to fire problematic Rick and Morty creator, retain problematic fans
Report: Austin Butler spent years stealing music from black artists to prepare for “Elvis” role
Second Passion of the Christ movie lays groundwork for expansion of the JCU
After “I’m Japanese” controversy Gwen Stefani says “sorry”, immediately claims to be Canadian
How to Live, Laugh, Love when you want to Leave, Laze and Loathe
Breaking: This person has practiced for more than 10,000 hours and still sucks
Modern Renaissance man? This guy is a painter AND a geocentrist
Damp-hand fetishist introduces himself to people coming out of public restrooms
Report: Middle urinal thirsty
Guy giving urine sample can’t stop peeing
Four tips for mental wellness that don’t do shit because it’s dark at fucking 4pm
Health Canada clarifies alcohol won’t give you cancer if you eat a bunch of bread beforehand
“Everything is broken so lets make it worse” vs “Everything is perfect so let’s fix nothing”
Editorial: Where are all the White Fridays?
Editorial: Trudeau could have ended the Freedom Convoy protest in no time if he’d just let them kill him
I know we’ve called every Conservative Leader for the last 7 years a right-wing extremist, but this time we mean it
Toddler cannot fucking believe mom is here
Ontario reaches $10 child-care deal after Doug Ford achieves sole objective of no one getting help for a full year
Man raised by wolves unable to explain his tech job to parents
Disturbing UN prediction: by 2030, 80% of all newborns will be named Jackson
93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts
86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages
2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview
Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles
Missed Connections: You were the public urinator on Main and 5th
LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.
ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.
UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Beavfeed
Choice Your Own Adventure
Quiz
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We replaced all our writers with ChatGPT. Here are its first 10 headlines!
Four tips for mental wellness that don’t do shit because it’s dark at fucking 4pm
Neat! Phone turned “am I going bald?” pics into a TikTok
Witch? This woman built a gingerbread house
You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?
You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?
You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?
You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?
Quiz: Which Conservative leadership candidate are you, and why is it Pierre Poilievre you sick fuck?
Quiz: Do you have Omicron? The answer is yes
QUIZ: Is he really into you, or does he just need your love to break his family’s curse?
Quiz: Do you live in a failed state or just Alberta?
Everything you need to know about Pierre Poilievre
Highlights of U.S. Election Day
10 things Doug Ford has already used the notwithstanding clause on
6 rugs that are actually just clothes you left on the floor
How To Go Vegan…Next Week
Guide To: Edmonton
Guide To: St.John’s
How To Lose Weight
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Guide To: Australia
Thinking of visiting Canada’s 11th province?
