West Toronto getting close to 2025 goal of 1 cannabis dispensary per household
TORONTO – Mayor John Tory has announced that West Toronto is on track to meet its 2025 goal of 1 cannabis dispensary per household. Following legalization in 2018 Ontario found itself last …
Erin O’Toole opens Conservative Convention with promise to have fewer ideas
OTTAWA – Facing weak poll numbers and internal questions about his leadership, Erin O’Toole opened the 2021 Conservative Party Convention with a fiery speech resolving to be even less thoughtful …
Ford promises Oosterhoff controversy will not distract government from the vital work of bungling vaccine distribution
TORONTO – After Tory MPP and Parliamentary Secretary Sam Oosterhoff gave a speech to a controversial anti-abortion group that recently compared a woman’s right to choose to the Holoca…
True meaning of life safely hidden away in personal anecdote portion of online recipe
Laval, QC – Humanity’s quest to discover the fundamental truth about our existence has been solved, as it turns out to be located in the personal story section of a recipe for homemad…
Local woman who bought regular grapes instead of seedless just gonna give up on whole life
BURLINGTON, ON – Last Tuesday evening, 27 year-old bartender Eva Parsons realized as she got home from a grocery run that she had bought regular grapes instead of seedless ones. At that mom…
White supremacist organization clears white supremacist of white supremacy
ATLANTA – Asian residents breathed a sigh of relief yesterday when the Atlanta Police Department, a white supremacist organization, cleared white supremacist terrorist, Robert Aaron Long, o…
Chaos in streets after all traffic lights turned green for St. Patrick’s Day
TORONTO – Several multi-car pile-ups and other severe crashes are being reported at nearly every major intersection in Toronto, after the city set all the traffic lights to remain green in …
Zack Snyder confirms new Justice League cut is four hours long because it’s entirely in slow motion
LOS ANGELES – On the cusp of the release of Zack Snyder’s Justice League on HBO Max, director Zack Snyder has revealed that the film was shot as a 121 minute story which has been stretched …
Unpromising young man reviews ‘Promising Young Woman’
LOS ANGELES – Ryan Booker, an unpromising man from Los Angeles, has finally gotten a chance to post his review of Promising Young Woman on Letterboxd. “I am very excited to share my views o…
“Canada has a black woman on our money,” boasts white liberal who does not know her name
HALIFAX – In an online Twitter argument late Saturday night, local white liberal Jordyn Michaud landed a devastating blow against her American opponent by pointing out that Canada already h…
