Ontario schools to notify parents about Covid exposures only if child’s head lice contracts virus

OTTAWA – Ontario’s Ministry of Health outlined back-to-school Covid-19 policies for teachers, students, and parents on Monday, explaining that moving forward, parents will only be notified …

Friend clearly trying to one-up your ‘I got COVID despite not going anywhere’ story

TORONTO – After you posted that you tested positive for COVID despite barely leaving the house, friends in the comments took the opportunity to advise that they too have been diagnosed with…

Affordable Toronto apartment only costs 3/4s of monthly income

TORONTO – Local English teacher Bob Kelly was overwhelmed to find an affordable apartment in Toronto’s west end. The one-bedroom walk-up located in the Parkdale neighborhood will only cost …

Peloton instructor decides to share a personal tidbit

NEW YORK- Shock is sweeping the upper middle class as today’s 20 Min Christian Hip Hop Peloton Ride was punctuated by the instructor’s decision to share a personal tidbit. Instructor Cory O’Riley…

Local man pulls fire alarm to avoid friends discovering he doesn’t like Succession

VICTORIA, BC – During a recent lunch at Burke’s Cafe, local paralegal Marc Antwern felt he had no choice but to pull a fire alarm to avoid his friends discovering that he does not like HBO’…

Christmas tree still in house unsure if family Orthodox or just lazy  

SASKATOON – A Christmas tree still on display in the Miller household’s living room is uncertain if the family that purchased it is planning to celebrate Orthodox Christmas, or if they’ve just be…

Novak Djokovic loses final of Australian Immigration Detention Island Open

CHRISTMAS ISLAND, AUSTRALIA – After being detained by the Australian Border Force for failing to meet the country’s vaccination requirements ahead of the Australian Open, Novak Djokovic has enter…

Erin O’Toole urges Canadians to accommodate the unvaccinated so they don’t feel excluded from the society they’re trying to destroy

OTTAWA – As yet another wave of COVID overwhelms hospitals and Canada’s ICUs fill with unvaccinated patients, Conservative leader Erin O’Toole is adamant that the large majority of Ca…

“Not having kids is selfish” says man who lives alone in golden palace

VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis has described people’s decisions to have pets instead of children as “selfish”, during a recent general audience in the opulent cathedral-like palace of which he…

Hero BlackBerry killed in action had one day left ‘til retirement

CALGARY – Local landscaper Peter Rugger announced today that his trusty BlackBerry device was killed in the line of duty after nearly twenty years of service and, tragically, with only one …