Self-described “nostalgia junkie” Alex Kaur recently turned back the clock when he decided to bang pots in celebration of healthcare workers instead of angrily protesting them. “Every…
Conspiracy confirmed: doctors made “vaccine deal” with government in order to save your life
OTTAWA – A conspiracy theory surrounding a secret vaccine oath between Canadian doctors and the government has been confirmed, revealing medical professionals are pushing vaccinations in or…
Opinion: I work out topless because it makes me stronger not because I like the attention
By @Conrad_Lifts Hey everyone! How’s it going? Fair warning: I’m still buzzing with endorphins after my second F45 class of the day, so apologies for any twpos! Regardless, I’ll do my best …
Catholic church one broken commandment away from bingo
OTTAWA, ONT – The Catholic church is reportedly one broken commandment away from getting a full card bingo. “It’s a real nail-biter,” began Father Owen Karmichael, after flashing his almost…
Police on horse ready to stop train robbery
TORONTO – Toronto Police have reported that their horseback division is essential for stopping any and all train robberies. “When I’m on my noble steed, Paul Gross’ Passchendaele – Pa…
Citytv orders Rex & Rex, both cops, both dogs
TORONTO – After the success of buddy-cop-dog drama Hudson & Rex, Citytv has reportedly greenlit the spin-off Rex & Rex, both cops, both dogs. “We’re thrilled!” began Mark Scotts, th…
Sick fuck stores milk carton on its side
Markham, ON – Local man, Mark Hamilton, stores his milk carton on it’s side like a goddamn fucking animal. “It’s just more ergonomic this way,” stated a deranged Hamilton, who wedged the af…
Report: Casa Loma just some rich guy’s house
TORONTO – After decades of research, local historian Dr. Suraj Burnman has conclusively reported that Casa Loma is just some rich guy’s house. “The way people from Toronto talk about it, yo…
Neat! This person who didn’t take the lockdown seriously is about to get vaccinated before you
TORONTO, ONT – Local resident, Tom Anderson, who didn’t follow any lockdown rules, is about to get vaccinated before you. Awesome! “This pandemic has been very hard,” began Anderson, who ju…
Dentist fooled by patient who brushed teeth really well just before annual visit
WATERLOO, ONT – Local dentist, Dr. Rita Johnson, was reportedly fooled into thinking her patient had excellent oral hygiene even though they only brushed their teeth really well moments bef…