OTTAWA – After repeated threats of annexation from Donald Trump, Canada has made the bold move of reminding the world it already bends the knee to a weird, elderly King. “Canada is a proud,…
Trump puts 100% tariff on movies that force him to read
HOLLYWOOD, CA – After accidentally watching the South Korean film Parasite on Air Force One, Donald Trump has signed an executive order placing a 100% tariff on any movie that forces him to…
Jewish students at Columbia deported for being anti-Semitic
NEW YORK – Jewish students who chained themselves to the gates of Columbia University have been arrested by ICE and deported for being anti-Semitic terrorists. As the protesting students we…
Hobgoblin hob-nobs with non-hobgoblin goblins
NETHERWORLD – Noted hobgoblin-about-town Robin Redpath was spotted far from his regular domestic haunts cavorting with a retinue of goblins, scandalizing those who believe the two species s…
Canadian tradition of giving children hammers at birth pays off
PARIS – The gold medals won this week by Canada’s Ethan Katzberg and Camryn Rogers in the men’s and women’s hammer throw at the 2024 Olympics have been a welcome and unexpected payoff of th…
Québec language inspectors check that patients are dying in French
MONTRÉAL – The government of Québec has confirmed that inspectors from the Office Québécois de la Langue Française have been monitoring conversations at a local hospital to ensure that pati…
American 18-year-olds stoked to vote in last presidential election
FRESNO, CA – Across the United States young people who will turn eighteen by November 5 are expressing their excitement at being able to vote in the last presidential election of their life…
OJ Simpson dies surrounded by family members he didn’t murder
LOS ANGELES – Former American football star turned actor turned guy who was found liable for killings but not convicted criminally OJ Simpson has succumbed to a battle with cancer, surround…
Ford announces LCBO paper bags to double as his affordable housing plan
QUEEN’S PARK – In a bid to provide economic relief to struggling Ontarians, Premier Doug Ford has ordered the LCBO to return to providing customers free paper bags – a move that…
In honour of Mulroney, national funeral to be privatized
MONTREAL – In a show of respect to one of Brian Mulroney’s most cherished governing principles as prime minister, his funeral will be privatized. During his nine years as prime minister, Br…
