TORONTO – While people all across the country find themselves stuck in costly, multi-year contracts with Rogers Communications, Shohei Ohtani, a professional baseball player from Ōshū, Iwate, Jap…
New Wrapped feature shows users the top five places Spotify sells your data
STOCKHOLM – Music fans just can’t get enough of this year’s Spotify Wrapped, which shows their top five songs, top five artists, and – new this year – the top five places Spotify is selling their…
Email from grandpa just a list of 29 baseball players
Huntsville, ON – A local grandson is struggling to respond to an email from his grandfather, which consists of nothing but the names of 29 current and former Major League Baseball players. José …
Opinion: Why do we need a cure for diabetes when I don’t have it?
Brandon, Manitoba – Millions of Canadians live with diabetes, and the Government of Canada has spent billions on diabetes research and treatment. But here’s what I don’t understand: Why do we nee…
Has feminism gone too far? A woman was mean to me
THE INTERNET – No one supports women’s rights more than I do, but even the best ideas can be taken too far, and my lived experience from two hours ago is the definitive proof: A woman was mean to…
Five celebrities you’d never guess are gay because they already came out
Hollywood, CA – Despite all the progress we’ve made toward creating a more inclusive society for people in the LGBTQ+ community, it’s still super fun to speculate about a stranger’s sexuality. It…
Running every day is the secret to long life, claim people being chased by lions
Abbotsford, BC – What’s the secret to a long and healthy life? According to those currently being hunted by hungry lions, the trick is running as fast as you possibly can. “Just don’t stop runnin…
Toddler news: Mom has her own mom, and her name is Grandma
Bunny Hop Preschool – In shocking news to toddlers everywhere, it has been discovered that Mommy has her own mommy, and you’ll never guess who it is. Grandma! It may seem hard to believe, becaus…
Optometrists finally admit there is no difference between one and two
Welland, ON – In a big win for optometry patients around the country, the nation’s eye doctors have finally come clean, admitting there is no difference between lens number one and lens number tw…
Guinness frantically publishing new world record book every time LeBron scores another basket
LOS ANGELES – Staff at Guinness World Records are scrambling to publish an up-to-date version of their record book every time LeBron James breaks his own all-time scoring record. “It was so excit…
