WINNIPEG – Deep beneath the earth in an adjunct conference room of Buhler Industries Inc, a clandestine group of extremely white disciples eagerly awaits the earthly rebirth of their most s…
Mexico detains Trump at border; “America is not sending us their best”
TIJUANA – Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has been detained by authorities at the Mexican border, after it was determined that he was entering the country illegally. “Judging…
Leslie Jones signs multi-picture deal to remake every single movie online trolls grew up loving
HOLLYWOOD – Following a hack and leak of nude photos of comedic actress Leslie Jones, Hollywood studios have announced a 35-film deal to feature Jones in remakes of every single movie that …
Ryan Lochte wins gold in 400m ‘Making Up A Robbery’
RIO – American swimmer Ryan Lochte has won his second gold medal of the Rio Olympics, this time in the Men’s 400m Making Up A Robbery That Never Actually Happened. “This is unreal, kind of …
No one in social media strategy meeting actually knows how Snapchat works
Florenceville, NB – Attendees at a media strategy session for the McCain Foods company reported enthusiasm over plans to expand awareness to teens using the app Snapchat, despite absolutely…
Trump accuses Clinton of being angry orange-skinned man with bad combover
HARRISBURG, PA – At a campaign rally this week Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump fired off against rival Hillary Clinton, accusing her of being, among other things, ‘a stub…
LCBO offers at-home delivery through Canada Post for highly-organized alcoholics
TORONTO – Today the Liquor Control Board of Ontario announced that it would sell products online, available for delivery through Canada Post, in an effort to target well-organized alcoholic…
Wealth Inequality at an all-time high, boasts Finance Minister
OTTAWA – Speaking to a conference of finance industry power brokers, Finance Minister Bill Morneau announced that, after years of coordinated government planning and effort, Canadian wealth…
The new Ghostbusters movie DID destroy my childhood, but it may have been an unrelated hex
By Matt Rolfe The new Ghostbusters movie that NO ONE asked for from Paul Feig and his crew of feminista SJWs has arrived, and my childhood has been absolutely ruined! Not only did I predictably h…
Trudeau demands China improve human rights before trading, ‘unless they want to buy some tanks’
VANCOUVER – This week Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said China will need to improve its record on human rights before Canada will sign a Free Trade Agreement with them, before emphasizing t…
