OTTAWA – Nick Kouvalis, campaign manager for Kellie Leitch’s Conservative leadership bid, has resigned after receiving a failing grade on the candidate’s signature “Canadian Values Test”. “…
Wynne kills Gardiner, DVP roads tolls in appeal to popular “Fuck Toronto” constituency
TORONTO – Premier Kathleen Wynne has pulled her support for Toronto City Council’s plan to implement road tolls on the Gardiner Expressway and Don Valley Expressway, choosing instead to ali…
Donald Trump to be sworn in by actor dressed like his father saying he’s proud of him
WASHINGTON – President-elect Donald Trump will make history this Friday, when he is both sworn in and assured he has made his father proud, by an actor portraying the late Fred Trump. “The …
Jimmy Fallon/Donald Trump lip sync battle draws mixed reactions at Golden Globes
BEVERLY HILLS – Tonight’s 74th annual Golden Globes award ceremony experienced an awkward hiccup earlier tonight when host Jimmy Fallon introduced a surprise guest, president-elect Donald T…
Local family horrified to realize Jingle All The Way has become holiday tradition
KAMLOOPS – After several years, the MacPherson family have ruefully acknowledged that, at some point, they will feel compelled to watch Jingle All The Way as part of their annual holiday ce…
President-elect Trump visited by, deports, three Christmas ghosts
MANHATTAN – President-elect Donald Trump has reported being visited by, and subsequently ordering the deportation of, the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet To Come. The visitations…
Utensil formerly known as “The Good Knife” stripped of title
RED DEER – Stunning observers in the Stephenson kitchen, The Good Knife has unceremoniously been forced to relinquish its title. The shocking loss of status occurred yesterday before dinner…
BREAKING: Standing Rock protesters win anti-pipeline victory, ruining 2016’s perfect misery streak
STANDING ROCK, ND — The Army Corp of Engineers has announced they will deny permits for the Dakota Access Pipeline, representing a victory for the Standing Rock protesters and a lone bright…
Homegrown Canadian racists determined to compete with flashier American racists
OTTAWA – Following the events of the US election, Canada’s homegrown and indie racists are determined to not have their hateful efforts overshadowed by the behemoth to the south. “People ar…
Facebook introduces ‘Life Achievement Filter’ to block friends’ happiness
PALO ALTO – Facebook has announced a new setting that will keep user’s timelines free of friends’ posts regarding engagements, promotions, and trips to the gym. “We know what our users want…
