WASHINGTON D.C. — Following the surprise announcement that the White House has unilaterally backed out of a planned summit with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, President Donald Trump has d…
NFL defends their 1st Amendment right to deny players their 1st Amendment rights
NEW YORK — NFL team owners are defending their decision to prohibit players from kneeling during the national anthem, claiming they are simply exercising their First Amendment right to deny…
Environmentally conscious daredevil risks it all by purchasing one fewer grocery bag
KINGSTON — Stunning fellow customers and cashiers alike with his nerves of steel, local adrenaline junkie Todd Foster struck a blow for the environment this Thursday by only asking for 4 gr…
Rudy Giuliani really feels like he’s starting to get the hang of this
WASHINGTON — After joining President Trump’s legal defense team and embarking on a series of questionable media interviews, Rudy Giuliani has reportedly stated that he is “easing into this …
Toronto Sun finds efficiencies by just letting Ontario PCs write their election coverage
TORONTO — As newspapers across Canada face budget cuts, the Toronto Sun has announced it will save money by outsourcing all of their Ontario election reporting to Doug Ford and his Progress…
Bill Cosby to be digitally replaced by Christopher Plummer in Cosby Show reruns
HOLLYWOOD — In the wake of Bill Cosby’s conviction on three counts of sexual assault, Carsey-Werner Productions has announced that reruns of The Cosby Show will be digitally altered to repl…
NRA outraged Waffle House shooting hero didn’t use gun, be white
NASHVILLE — NRA senior executives are reportedly outraged that a deadly mass shooter at a Waffle House was foiled, not by a white man with a gun, but instead by James Shaw Jr., an unarmed A…
Trudeau aims for pipeline accord by Freaky Friday-ing Alberta, B.C.
OTTAWA — In an effort to secure the construction of the Trans Mountain oil pipeline, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has engineered a magical “body switch” on the provinces of Alberta and Bri…
Trump eager to turn away Syrian refugees he’s currently creating
WASHINGTON — After calling for airstrikes on three government sites in Syria, President Trump is reportedly most excited about the prospect of denying refugee status to the untold Syrian ci…
Canadians excited to buy Second Cup marijuana if there’s no Starbucks nearby
VANCOUVER — Following the news that Second Cup will convert some of its coffee shops to marijuana dispensaries, Canadians have resoundingly responded by asking if there’s a Starbucks dispen…
