KINGSTON — While telling an anecdote about work to his children, local father George Stelling managed to specify the ethnicity of every person in the story for reasons unknown to anyone lis…
Local megalomaniac withholds “like” from Facebook acquaintance
MONTREAL — This past Sunday afternoon, local maniac Sherman Argyle flaunted his mighty influence by refusing to like the photo of a Facebook acquaintance. Reports show that Argyle, drunk with pow…
Local man enjoying summer romance with single pair of board shorts
Brampton, ON — According to sources, local man Dustin Rassmore is in the throes of a summer-long romance with his sole pair of summer bottoms, a pair of turquoise Hurley board shorts. 25-year-old…
Evidence piling up gender neutral bathroom actually broom closet
TORONTO — Patrons of Toronto’s Tito’s Tacqueria say it’s becoming increasingly clear that the establishment’s gender neutral bathroom is actually a repurposed broom closet. “There is, like,…
Montreal bachelor party ready to experience worst city has to offer
MONTREAL — The bachelor party for soon-to-be groom Stephen Keefe has touched down in Montreal and is ready to enjoy to the fullest the bars, restaurants and clubs no local would ever be caught de…
The male community must take responsibility for male terrorists
By: Philippe Couillard, Premier of Quebec I was saddened to hear that a Montreal man, Amor Ftouhi, was arrested as a suspect in the terrorist attack that occurred at Bishop International Airport …
How to enjoy hot yoga when that heating panel could fall on you at any moment
Hot yoga is a great activity for your mind and body. Here’s how to get the most out of it, despite the fact that the large heating panels suspended from the ceiling could come down and crush you …
Study: average spider swallows 10 smaller spiders per year while sleeping
GUELPH, ON — A recent study found that spiders are vital to the environment due to the large amount of insects they consume — including 10 smaller spiders per year they ingest while sleepin…
7 women whose brazen sexuality we find unsettling
We at the Beaverton Corporation believe in family values. Here are seven women who pose a real threat to our values, which also happen to be the values of Canada. Deposit photos Deposit photos D…
Tragedy: Milk bag spout cut too wide
Markham, ON — Tragedy struck a family home Tuesday morning after local father Russ Melman cut the spout of a milk bag too wide. Mr. Melman said he immediately realized his mistake, but the …