VICTORIA, BC – A local man who has never once found a woman’s clitoris has really gotten into AI art. “AI is the best,” claimed Shawn Owens, 29, as he played a video game created by real human be…
Man who wants kids unaware he will be expected to parent them
KITCHENER, ON – Sources report that Brody Richards, 33, desires to bring small humans into the world while apparently unaware that he will also be required to parent them. “Oh yeah, I can’t wait …
Number of coffee table books exceeds number of coffee tables
VICTORIA, BC – A local woman experienced a decorative emergency this week when her collection of coffee table books exceeded her number of coffee tables. Wendy Miller, 39, realized the emergency …
Fiddler can’t afford roof
ST. JOHN’S, NL – The Canadian housing crisis reached new heights this week with a renowned fiddler unable to afford a roof. Viola Green, 35, a prolific fiddle player who has toured with maj…
Op-Ed: The “Wicked” movie shows us what audiences really want — more films about green people
By Cash Ritchie, Senior VP, Finance, at WoodHolly Studios The Wicked movie has already proven a resounding success not only for Universal, but for show business at large. As the industry continue…
Weird! Woman’s comfort show doesn’t have any monsters or murder
LONDON, ON – A local woman has shocked friends and family by revealing that her favourite comfort show contains neither fantastical creatures, nor grisly true crime homicides. Vanessa Parker, 34,…
“Let’s do this again soon!” says friend you will literally never see again
TORONTO – A friend you will literally never see again has proclaimed you should “do this again soon!” Carol Andrews, 29, made the bold statement after a thrice-cancelled brunch with your friend g…
Indie band goes on tour to recoup financial losses from last tour
OSHAWA, ON – Local indie band The Kneeling Neils have announced a new concert tour to recover the financial losses from their previous tour. The indie folk rock outfit shared the news after the f…
Trudeau to retain party leadership until newer, worthier Trudeau steps forward
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has announced he will step down from the Liberal Party leadership – as soon as a newer, worthier Trudeau comes forward to take his place. Trudeau, who has h…
“Get well soon!” says woman who doesn’t understand how chronic illness works
KITCHENER, ON – A local office worker who completely misunderstands how chronic illness works has reportedly told her chronically ill coworker to “get well soon!” Linda Campbell, 53, sent t…
