WATERLOO, ON – A local allegedly grand piano has been revealed to just be fine. Owner Marsha Jameson made the discovery this past week after sitting down to play the instrument for her first time…
Researchers discover rare breed of Canadian tuxedo cat
GUELPH, ON – The scientific community celebrated a groundbreaking discovery this week, with researchers uncovering the existence of a Canadian tuxedo cat. The feline in question, whom researchers…
Local woman goes into hiding after co-worker finds her tumblr
SURREY, BC – Local accounts supervisor Megan Carlyle, has left behind all traces of her former life after learning that an office acquaintance stumbled upon her tumblr page. “It’s breached contai…
Supreme Court of Canada to donate robes to mall Santas in need
OTTAWA – The Supreme Court of Canada has announced it will donate its recently decommissioned crimson fur robes to mall Santas in need. The iconic red and white robes were officially replaced ear…
“AI is not a threat” says man threatened by vibrators
BURNABY, B.C. – A local man exceedingly wary of vibrators also insists that artificial intelligence is not a threat. “AI is just one tool in our toolkit,” says Tyler Bowman, 31, who has never suc…
Homophobic! Single lesbian has no girlfriend to watch Lilith Fair documentary with
TORONTO – Local lesbian Charlotte Tremblay reports recently experiencing a terrible incident of targeted discrimination after realizing she has no girlfriend to watch the new Lilith Fair document…
Alberta to require citizens to carry little picture of Danielle Smith in wallets
EDMONTON – The government of Alberta has declared all citizens must now carry a little picture of Premier Danielle Smith in their wallets. Smith made the announcement this week in front of a gian…
Gay friend ready for Halloween
MONTREAL – Your gay friend has officially announced that he is ready to celebrate Halloween, despite the non-civic holiday being 45 days away. Jamie Mathers, 29, made the proclamation on his Inst…
Lesbian who doesn’t like sports may as well just die
TORONTO – A local lesbian who doesn’t care about sports has determined that that is why she cannot find love and therefore she may as well just die. Jesse Cameron, 33, came to the dire conclusion…
End of days? Shoppers pharmacy answers phone
WINNIPEG – A local Shoppers Drug Mart has spurred rumours of the apocalypse after its pharmacy opted to pick up the phone. The Shoppers pharmacy has become so notorious for its lack of communicat…
